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For High School Girls

I don't care about you. In a universal human sort of way, sure, but I don't care what you do or what you think. It's important for you to hear something from someone older than your peers and younger than you parents- someone without a remarkable interest in you- because you will not hear from someone that fits that description for a potentially very long time.

Please do not confuse this interest with the level of interest you have in yourself. This applies to the times you make mistakes that no one notices, and also the times you succeed and no one notices. That's not to say you aren't talented and special, but every moment you spend gauging other's feelings about you could be used to develop what makes the ones that matter- the very few invaluable people you will meet in you life that will help you grow- pay attention.

Often, we would hope, these people are our parents, family members, coaches, and teachers, but as you know, this is not always the case. We would also hope that these people want the best for you, that is not always the case either. The sooner you stop putting your hope in people, the better. This is not because they will always let you down; there will absolutely be heroes and heroines in your story as sure as enemies. You should stop putting your hope in people because it is impossible to tell them apart.

You should also stop because your hope is not the responsibility of others. That is how you hurt the people that not only notice you, but care enough to listen with more than just curiosity. It's how you alienate those who admire you, and how you fall into traps of users and freeloaders.

If you somehow reach adulthood miraculously spared from every user, from every potential attack upon you body and soul, then you are your own enemy and those nearby are assuredly not friends in the true since. A true friend inspires you to be yourself by being themselves in your proximity. They don't always make it to your birthday party, and they will often tell you what you don't want to hear. They also see you screw up, and if you listen closely to their response, they almost always tell you it's not that big of a deal, and they are always right about that.

Other people are right more often than you give them credit for, but disagreement is an acquired taste- many adults also confuse advice with criticism. If you want to be surrounded by friends, sooner or later you must choose to see these words for what they are- invitations to share an opinion. If they are promising more, they also expect it.

I do not promise more. Some of my opinions will not be of value to you, maybe none. I don't care what you think, but I expect that you can.

Friends?   

"Everything is lawful unto me"- but not everything is expedient.

"Everything is lawful for me"- but I will not be brought under the power of any. 

1 Corinthians 6:12

A Letter to Last Year's New You

Hi,

You don't know me very well, and if I'm being honest, I have little recollection of what you were up to this time last year, probably sifting through plans last minute and quadruple-guessing your wardrobe choices for tonight. New Year's Eve remains a powerful motivator every year despite its lack of impact, so nothing significant comes to mind. I know you don't put much stake in New Year's Resolutions, and that's probably wise. The resolutions that stick are determined and honored daily, anyway.

This year will be exactly the same as every year before, in that most of it will be a struggle. Many of your hopes and almost all expectations for 2014 will not be met. The value you assign, and the story you tell about the cards that fall will be what defines you today.

In 2013 you were met with an increase of healthful messages. Some of these appealed to you, and some you took further than others. For every change made, for every drop of sweat and self-esteem earned, an old comfort lost as much in appeal. Thank you for every small victory and display of care for a stranger like me.

In 2013 you were met with some of the most interesting people yet. Connections with some of these appealed to you, and some you took further than others. For every dramatic entrance a new character made in your story, one was displaced. Thank you for your openness. Thank you most of all, for sitting through some loneliness and heartbreak. Thank you for the times you chose love over violence towards strangers like me.

In 2013 you were met with opportunities for creativity and spiritual growth. Some outlets appealed to you, and some took you further than others. For every new venture, a past certainty faded to a shade of gray; a boundary dissolved to reveal the responsibilities that came with the new skills you craved. Thank you for your dedication. Thank you for the times you pressed forward for strange reasons.

My wish for 2014, and every new year to come, is that you change while somehow, strangely, remaining the same hopeful and significant person.

Love,
Me

P.S. You look fine!!!!!

"Know that wisdom is such to your soul; if you find it; there will be a future, and your hope will not be cut off." Proverbs 24:14

Five Reasons a Blog is Better than a Journal

My friends cringed when I first mentioned this blog. At the time we shared the opinion that my thoughts should be more taboo than drunken pictures of myself as a minor,"The internet is not a journal." I denied that I was journaling. I denied that I posted for myself.

This "totally-NOT-journaling-blog" was a thing for me before yoga. This blog was thing before I was a thing- when I laid in bed all day feeling sick and sorry. The practices that continue to make me healthier are just as rooted here as in asana and teaching.

Everyone knows writing has a lot to offer those looking to develop mindfulness, but what better way to develop self-acceptance than an exercise expressing yourself publically? A Blog is Better Than a Journal, not worse, because others can read it.


1. You must organize and accept your thoughts regularly.

Most blogs fail to get off the ground, not for lack of interesting material, but because their writers quit writing. A consistent posting schedule is a big deal. With this in mind, I have more stuff down this year online and on paper.

Overthinking or oversharing personal narratives can be just as irresponsible as neglecting self-reflection. Blogging is the time set aside for this sort of thing. I leave the ramblings to whoever is interested or curious, and that's where they stay.

With infinite viewers in mind, there is a level of personal censorship that is missing from a traditional journal. If proof reading your post reveals something you are not comfortable sharing, you have work to do. What reactions are you assigning others? It's important to take that stuff up with yourself sooner rather than later. It's usually less about revision than acceptance. Revision is easier.  

2. No editors or talking points. 

Entry to Anne Frank's Secret Annex

Professional writing was frustrating. Direction and advice was appreciated most of the time, but it was difficult to share expressive identity with others. Bloggers can say whatever they want, however they want. This is both the glory and pitfall of blogging.

As a result, you WILL say something very ignorant, or worse--- boring and obvious. You will throw something completely raw out for the world to see, and an acquaintance will thank you; sometimes you can't even get Mom to like it on Facebook.

You get better, and you come to appreciate the power of correct grammar. If you expect readers to care enough about you to read between the lines, the least you can do is make those lines legible.

3. Farewell fear of judgment.

You learn very quickly how irrelevant criticism of your feelings(mostly imaginary) is to your life. Most of my blogs are some sort of intellectual exploration of what I consider God to be teaching me. "What do I know?" This phrase tries to escape in every post. I want nothing more than to smooth potential disagreements or just crappy writing over with apologies or phrases like, "This is only a personal belief..." but what good would that do? If you want to write--- If you feel that you have an idea worth sharing and preserving--- Do it, or don't. But if you do, Be Bold, Be Fearless. You have to believe that your readers need you more than erectile dysfunction medication.

4. Accountability.

The week following a post never fails to test everything I shared. With thousands of views this year, I have the slightest clue who is paying attention. Life's a work in progress, but blogging will unite your life with your words quicker than any therapy journal. Curiosity is impossible to underestimate, and so is the power of words. The unpredictable exposure and vulnerability to other's opinions challenges the writer more than the reader.  

5. Our lives do not belong to us.

This is something every writer must believe. Our thoughts, feelings, and circumstances are less permanent than the letters we use to express them. If we didn't find that characteristic valuable, we would not bother.

The most common criticism of blogs is a sort of self-centered or even self-righteous slant, and before picking up my own hobby, I felt the same way. "Who cares?" But that's just it. Clicks are currency. Interest groups and advertisers openly buy, sell, and steal our information and use it to create the world that gets our attention. We continually complain about the emptiness and dishonesty of social media, then fail to develop unpopular insights or share them with other real-time everyday people that might promote them. In favor of what? MOSTLY PORN, cat photos, people falling down, and hateful information about famous strangers we know is made up.


Maybe you aren't the cutest, clearest, or most convenient to access, and maybe your truth isn't always optimistic or entertaining, but if you have ever considered consistently sharing your perspective on the internet, you should. Don't let your fear of other's opinions stop you. If we continue to tell those with power that we prefer to use the most powerful unifying entity ever as a mindless distraction or torture device, then I guarantee they will take us up on it.

"Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who does not need to be ashamed, and who correctly handles the word of truth."

2 Timothy 2:15

 

If You Need to be Reminded of the Following, Look Into Yoga Teacher Training.

The last year has been spent in yoga teacher training. Life has been chaos since graduation. More than a month removed, things starting to fall into place, looking forward to Summit's Teacher Training Program which is set for March 1, the theme is patience and preparation... again. I had no idea what to write about, until a teacher of my own shared a post about the strange things that WILL happen to trainees. It got me to thinking- trying to pin down a perspective when it came to what really changed taking my practice to the next level. I came to the conclusion that I did not become a different or even better person, but a clearer, more refined version of myself. There were things that I had chosen to forget about life when I lost faith in my own identity, burying my truths under layers of perceptions of other's opinions. If you need to be reminded of the following, please... look into training.

1. You're beautiful. YOU. ARE.

Conjuring the beauty of people has never been the challenge for me. When drawing portraits, subject's preoccupations with surplus wrinkles or lack of hair, something I consider ridiculous, is a very real obstacle. Maybe health care spoiled much of the allure of superficial beauty when it came to others, but I could not escape my own criticism- the depth and burden of such criticism I was not even conscious of. Everyday I was met with a new face in the mirror, more often than not, disappointing. Despite extensive reading of self-esteem, I only aspired to accept my physical appearance. When I couldn't, I beat myself up about falling short of that goal too.

Then I spent five weeks in honest clothing without make-up or energy to give a ****. The same sweaty, bare, broken-out reflection greeted me again and again. Finally, I not only recognized it, but grew fond of that silly crooked grin of grandma Bonnie who passed away when I was eleven, and that "Whoville" nose that the entire Parrish clan sports. My dark circles are seen more objectively as a sign of dehydration and food allergies, the first traces of fine lines as the same signs of age and character so admired in patients.

We are not supermodels, well... maybe you are, but I'm not. I'm a poor yoga teacher who aspires to be inspired and refined by as many people as possible before I die. This flat chest, upturned nose, and farm-girl grin will do just fine. What is it you do? How relevant are your insecurities in comparison?

2. You're going to do it, or you aren't.

Sometimes I killed practicum, sometimes I fell flat on my face. Sometimes I was too exhausted to prepare for the physical, academic, or emotional challenges of the next day, but I showed up, and I kept showing up. Obsession with performance became just that- obsession. Redundant, obnoxious self-centered, more-than-useless thought patterns that did not do anything but add stress to those who cared enough to listen to the ranting and keep me up at night. In our culture, the most resisted life-event is death, and if we are really honest with ourselves, that state is nothing compared to a night of insomnia.

3. You always have the ability to be genuine and kind.

Adult success hinges on time management. If you are setting time aside for drama, if you set aside time to back-peddle when someone reacts irrationally to your expression of truth, if you are so concerned with someone's point of view that you are willing to sacrifice your state of mind, then you are not placing your goal as high on your priority list as you may have thought.

Guess what? You will die. Time and youthful energy is limited. Before the end you will get so old you can not stand, if you are lucky; you will probably be very sick or seriously injured. We eventually loose everything. This is scary, but it is one of the few things we all agree upon. So what is your excuse for continuing to suffer or inflict pain on someone that shares the same constraints?

4. You have strengths and weaknesses you aren't aware of.

What makes Asana so powerful is its ability to take us out of our comfort zones. The first time someone practices yoga, they see themselves in unusual positions. Some are easy, some are difficult, some are so foreign anyone would be tempted to wonder "...is this right?" It pleases me that this is the question I get most often from first timer's, because it's the perfect opportunity to reply with confidence that it doesn't really matter.

I came to training to find something out, and once my energy level could not support my competitive side, I found my breath. I also found tight hamstrings, lazy arches, and a weak core. I can teach with tight hamstrings and weak arches. I teach peace of mind after the struggle to turn on the microphone sends my heart racing into my throat. Humans do cool things without connecting all of the dots first, we always have.


The majority of us look forward to the next year to change us, as if 2015 and all of the years before would have magical inspirational properties. The majority of us look to the world for the same magic that will whip us into shape because we are not reminded often enough that we are already an offshoot of something incredibly mysterious and powerful.

If your New Year's Resolutions is based solely on something you do no like about yourself, then I challenge you to chase down that train of thought first. When was the last time your really tried something that took you so far out of your comfort zone, every previous way of dealing with the world lost its relevance and you HAD NO CHOICE but to trust God?

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Romans 12:2

Shavasana

On request, photo's of "what it looks like where (I'm) from"

Shavasana (corpse pose) is the closing asana. When my first instructor coached, "Shavasana can be the most difficult pose.", I saw this as an attempt at dramatic irony to keep a room full of students from fidgeting noisily. As a yogi comes into a deeper understanding of what it means to bring intention to every asana, lying still and relaxed presents the most unique challenges as the personal definition of "still and relaxed" evolves.

Yoga's cool down routine is an experimental space for a still body to single out the subtle sources of its relaxation. We channel the mindfulness established in the previous work out, and find we are better able to recognize our thought patterns, helpful and harmful to priceless rest and recovery. The fact that this power is surprising to most new students is one of the reasons why there is so much work to be done.

Since there is a loose a association with resting---bed... You're welcome.

When first assuming what has become my favorite posture, I would often receive a very welcome adjustment. Instructors pressed my shoulders down to the mat, exposing and releasing tension though my chest- tension I knew was loosely tied to a detested self-conscious posture. After two years of practicing almost everyday, I have better posture and a more compassionate view of my body.

Undergrad identified my misalignment as a result of repetitive overreactions and internalization of challenges. I feel scared often and find social situations most difficult, the body responds to this attitude by assuming a fetal position for protection. This acceptance has not destroyed my life, but yoked me with the ability and therefore responsibility to do something about it with the tools earned in teacher training. That something is strengthening my back and stretching the muscles in my chest; It's a work in progress but my recoil reflex is weakening along with neck pain, tension headache, and shortness of breath.

By the end of 500 hour training I sprawled like a starfish, an unconscious grin spreading. I have missed this time while teaching. It can be very difficult to follow my own advice or find the place so highly valued. Preoccupation with every fidget taken as a sign of disappointed students who will never try yoga again.

The mind's habit of projecting itself into past or future situations is the biggest threat to mindfulness in modern culture, and the source of most young adult pain. We waste mental power best applied within our physical limits making use of current resources, as our ego runs wild through tired fantasies or nightmares, robbing us of our time, focus, and health.

The perfect body is an image modern humans can not hope to escape, with it's predictable and rare proportions. Mental powers are just has highly sought and exploited. In subculture this capacity is almost always elevated to it's own form of idolatry. I have an enormous problem accepting intellectual ability as a surrogate for physical condition or visa versa, because I have come to see them as inseparable.

This dualistic inside/outside model of "who we are" is a commercial oversimplification which is dangerous to the ideals both claim to exclusively represent. In our stronger moments we devote all of our energy in one direction only to encounter inexplicable delay or injury. In weaker moments we dismiss our neglect.

This holiday season, I find myself in a resting state off the mat. Between full time jobs, training complete, open arms of family during the holidays lessening the immediate financial burden and professional obligation, I have time to reflect on my own mental short-cuts from a place of rest, a place I have never taken advantage of before. (...okay... after spending the first two days of unexpected leave frantically pecking out applications and lying curled in a ball.)

My M.O. dictates that this is a time to close the gaps between the person I was and should be by now while worrying about uncertainties of the future. Because of this pattern, I have missed much of the person I was, and the relationships I was blessed with awaiting opportunities to promote own desperate and fickle agenda or check my phone for correspondence from people who weren't there. I wish I had known that girl better, and taken better care of her body. I wish I had been kinder to the ones that were helping her along the way, dismissing those who lacked interest.

I encourage any of you going through a similar time in your life, where you seem compelled by your well of energy yet unable to accept the worth of your contribution, to take advantage of the holiday season as a "shavasana". Bring awareness to habitual treatment and responses to those more permanent fixtures in your life. See the socially accepted time away from work for what it is, something to celebrate not an edge to take advantage of. Learn something about yourself you can bring back to work and worship, LATER.

 

"When I am afraid I put my trust in you.

In God whose word I praise.

In God I trust; I shall not be afraid.

What can flesh do to me?"      

Psalm 56:3-4  

Fire and Knives

Seven Mile Latte (Stumptown Hairbender)

I was diagnosed with Dyshindrotic Eczema this week. The first outbreak started during 500hr training. By the time I saw the dermatologist, my right hand was transforming into hamburger meat at an alarming rate. In hindsight, an outbreak of something should have came as no surprise. I'd spent months torturing my hands, alternating them carelessly between humid conditions in the hot yoga studio, a coating of drying magnesium powder for climbs, and the hot water bath tending bar.

Vegan Blueberry Pancakes and Strawberry Nutella Waffle

I was a little shocked that I wouldn't be making coffee anymore, a skill I have come to take some pride in. I would also be leaving a job I have had for over a year, but the blow was softened considerably the next day. Healthy new skin revealed itself beneath incapacitating blisters that had been the bane of my-- and anyone-around-me's-- existence.

I learned a ton in my year at Seven Mile Café. I have never worked as part of a team with a more cooperative backbone. That isn't to say there aren't quirks, but in general everyone does their best to embrace strengths and excuse weaknesses as the business that unites and empowers them grows.

In high-pressure situations, and a busy restaurant can feel as compelling as a code blue, frustration, unforeseen challenges, and miscommunication abound, but the owners and management of this team have an innate and unrivalled ability to motivate and maintain high expectations in the face of what an outside-observer could only describe as chaos. It's not mysterious to me where this power comes from.



10,000th shot pulled

I have never worked in a business where the owner was present everyday. I have never worked in a business where its owners and their managers worked just as hard on the front lines as their employees... every... day. Kevin and Jose's engaged presence has allows them to make responsible innovations and form relevant assumptions about a very diverse pool of team members.

The unique environment they have created by striving to improve themselves makes it impossible for those who do not adopt the same dedication and critical thinking skills to stick. The hostess-in-training who lasted an hour before forfeiting, "I can't do this." comes to mind.



Seasonal Pumpkin Spice Latte

I hope to own my own business sooner or later, and when I do, I will remember Seven Mile Cafe. I will remember the sacrifices, investments, and adjustments. I will remember the loyalty and community these people attracted by being remarkably themselves. I will remember the passion for food and attachment to quality of product whether a poached egg or shot of espresso. I will remember, most of all, the focus and willingness to forgive in the midst of passion, fire, knives, and Sunday rushes.

Hope you had a good one today.

Artist: Abby Buford, Manager of Seven Mile Highland Village

"As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." -Proverbs 27:17