The last year has been spent in yoga teacher training. Life has been chaos since graduation. More than a month removed, things starting to fall into place, looking forward to Summit's Teacher Training Program which is set for March 1, the theme is patience and preparation... again. I had no idea what to write about, until a teacher of my own shared a post about the strange things that WILL happen to trainees. It got me to thinking- trying to pin down a perspective when it came to what really changed taking my practice to the next level. I came to the conclusion that I did not become a different or even better person, but a clearer, more refined version of myself. There were things that I had chosen to forget about life when I lost faith in my own identity, burying my truths under layers of perceptions of other's opinions. If you need to be reminded of the following, please... look into training.
1. You're beautiful. YOU. ARE.
Conjuring the beauty of people has never been the challenge for me. When drawing portraits, subject's preoccupations with surplus wrinkles or lack of hair, something I consider ridiculous, is a very real obstacle. Maybe health care spoiled much of the allure of superficial beauty when it came to others, but I could not escape my own criticism- the depth and burden of such criticism I was not even conscious of. Everyday I was met with a new face in the mirror, more often than not, disappointing. Despite extensive reading of self-esteem, I only aspired to accept my physical appearance. When I couldn't, I beat myself up about falling short of that goal too.Then I spent five weeks in honest clothing without make-up or energy to give a ****. The same sweaty, bare, broken-out reflection greeted me again and again. Finally, I not only recognized it, but grew fond of that silly crooked grin of grandma Bonnie who passed away when I was eleven, and that "Whoville" nose that the entire Parrish clan sports. My dark circles are seen more objectively as a sign of dehydration and food allergies, the first traces of fine lines as the same signs of age and character so admired in patients.
We are not supermodels, well... maybe you are, but I'm not. I'm a poor yoga teacher who aspires to be inspired and refined by as many people as possible before I die. This flat chest, upturned nose, and farm-girl grin will do just fine. What is it you do? How relevant are your insecurities in comparison?
2. You're going to do it, or you aren't.
Sometimes I killed practicum, sometimes I fell flat on my face. Sometimes I was too exhausted to prepare for the physical, academic, or emotional challenges of the next day, but I showed up, and I kept showing up. Obsession with performance became just that- obsession. Redundant, obnoxious self-centered, more-than-useless thought patterns that did not do anything but add stress to those who cared enough to listen to the ranting and keep me up at night. In our culture, the most resisted life-event is death, and if we are really honest with ourselves, that state is nothing compared to a night of insomnia.3. You always have the ability to be genuine and kind.
Adult success hinges on time management. If you are setting time aside for drama, if you set aside time to back-peddle when someone reacts irrationally to your expression of truth, if you are so concerned with someone's point of view that you are willing to sacrifice your state of mind, then you are not placing your goal as high on your priority list as you may have thought. Guess what? You will die. Time and youthful energy is limited. Before the end you will get so old you can not stand, if you are lucky; you will probably be very sick or seriously injured. We eventually loose everything. This is scary, but it is one of the few things we all agree upon. So what is your excuse for continuing to suffer or inflict pain on someone that shares the same constraints?
4. You have strengths and weaknesses you aren't aware of.
What makes Asana so powerful is its ability to take us out of our comfort zones. The first time someone practices yoga, they see themselves in unusual positions. Some are easy, some are difficult, some are so foreign anyone would be tempted to wonder "...is this right?" It pleases me that this is the question I get most often from first timer's, because it's the perfect opportunity to reply with confidence that it doesn't really matter.I came to training to find something out, and once my energy level could not support my competitive side, I found my breath. I also found tight hamstrings, lazy arches, and a weak core. I can teach with tight hamstrings and weak arches. I teach peace of mind after the struggle to turn on the microphone sends my heart racing into my throat. Humans do cool things without connecting all of the dots first, we always have.
The majority of us look forward to the next year to change us, as if 2015 and all of the years before would have magical inspirational properties. The majority of us look to the world for the same magic that will whip us into shape because we are not reminded often enough that we are already an offshoot of something incredibly mysterious and powerful.
If your New Year's Resolutions is based solely on something you do no like about yourself, then I challenge you to chase down that train of thought first. When was the last time your really tried something that took you so far out of your comfort zone, every previous way of dealing with the world lost its relevance and you HAD NO CHOICE but to trust God?
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