Time Capsule

Today has been a hard day. Three weeks in, I have fallen short of my every monday post commitment. I'm struggling in my current relationship, so I woke up with sadness. I also woke up with soreness: Yesterday some friends and I thought following two hours of climbing with a new yoga class would be a good idea.

A few hours later an elderly diner offered to pick up the her family's tab as I cleared the table of plates. I returned with a check after spilling her grandson's syrup all over my shirt in the dish pit. With other tables at the time, I wasn't able to run her card immediately. That's the only explanation I have for why I made nothing on that table but extra laundry for myself.

And... it just started to rain.

In elementary school our class was asked to project our future lives on notebook paper to be included in a time capsule. I envisioned a self-assured busty brunette with a functional marriage, two children, a prestigious career, and an active church-life. In darker times the gulf between these two women represents my combined failures, and I no longer expect that to change.

The most significant difference between myself and the woman I failed to become is not her lack of disappointment, its the fact that she's not growing, she is still buried in Springfield. What I seek requires me to transcend sadness and loneliness, and I'm posting out of hope that I'm not the only one that is finding less and less satisfaction in turning every mistake into another triumphant chapter in some glorious coming of age story.

If I am to believe that an element of the divine dwells inside of me, I must accept that negative emotion can not be excluded from the experiences God has in store for my life.

In yoga ability to properly account for negative sensations like soreness, fatigue, and strain is essential. Avoiding them may result in failure to progress; their ignorance may lead to injury.

On rough days I am getting better at showing up on the mat and allowing my physical limits to expand in more mysterious ways. I'd like to think I'm getting better at showing up for life too.     

"You have set yourselves a difficult task, but you will succeed if you persevere, and you will find a joy in overcoming obstacles–a delight in climbing rugged paths, which you would perhaps never know if you did not sometime slip backward–if the road was always smooth and pleasant.

Remember, no effort that we make to attain something beautiful is ever lost. Sometime, somewhere, somehow we shall find that which we seek." 

-Helen Keller