Time Capsule

Today has been a hard day. Three weeks in, I have fallen short of my every monday post commitment. I'm struggling in my current relationship, so I woke up with sadness. I also woke up with soreness: Yesterday some friends and I thought following two hours of climbing with a new yoga class would be a good idea.

A few hours later an elderly diner offered to pick up the her family's tab as I cleared the table of plates. I returned with a check after spilling her grandson's syrup all over my shirt in the dish pit. With other tables at the time, I wasn't able to run her card immediately. That's the only explanation I have for why I made nothing on that table but extra laundry for myself.

And... it just started to rain.

In elementary school our class was asked to project our future lives on notebook paper to be included in a time capsule. I envisioned a self-assured busty brunette with a functional marriage, two children, a prestigious career, and an active church-life. In darker times the gulf between these two women represents my combined failures, and I no longer expect that to change.

The most significant difference between myself and the woman I failed to become is not her lack of disappointment, its the fact that she's not growing, she is still buried in Springfield. What I seek requires me to transcend sadness and loneliness, and I'm posting out of hope that I'm not the only one that is finding less and less satisfaction in turning every mistake into another triumphant chapter in some glorious coming of age story.

If I am to believe that an element of the divine dwells inside of me, I must accept that negative emotion can not be excluded from the experiences God has in store for my life.

In yoga ability to properly account for negative sensations like soreness, fatigue, and strain is essential. Avoiding them may result in failure to progress; their ignorance may lead to injury.

On rough days I am getting better at showing up on the mat and allowing my physical limits to expand in more mysterious ways. I'd like to think I'm getting better at showing up for life too.     

"You have set yourselves a difficult task, but you will succeed if you persevere, and you will find a joy in overcoming obstacles–a delight in climbing rugged paths, which you would perhaps never know if you did not sometime slip backward–if the road was always smooth and pleasant.

Remember, no effort that we make to attain something beautiful is ever lost. Sometime, somewhere, somehow we shall find that which we seek." 

-Helen Keller 

Yoga in the Olympics?

Yoga teaches that to avoid suffering, the results of our actions should not be desired. The ideal outcome for competitors is dominance, so it's not surprising that the sport-style yoga developing in the West can be a tough pill for traditionalists to swallow.

A few months ago, my practice was manifesting positively in almost every area of my life. I was experiencing increased stamina, improving focus, and glimmers of consistency. The benefits were proving so compatible with the life I wanted, that I was beginning to seriously consider yoga as a career. I was also investing a significant portion of my reading allowance to Hindu philosophy while the spines of my Christian stack glared judgmentally. I opened The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis out of obligation.

 

"Once you have made the World an end, and faith a means, you have almost won your man,

and it makes very little difference what kind of worldly end he is pursuing."

The treachery of the spiritual life had been cast before me. The path was indeed straight and narrow, and the blessings associated with my performance posed a very real threat to my balance.

I do not share the belief that competitive yoga defeats the spiritual practice as much as I hold the application of ANY spiritual philosophy for worldly gain to be spiritually catastrophic. That's why I wonder if the changing definition of yoga should be as concerning to individual practitioners like myself.

One of my favorite quotations is of Thomas Paine:

 

"That which we obtain too easily, we esteem too lightly." 

Something about the human spirit places high value on the things that require more from us. Performances at the highest level of competition, whatever the outcome, unite and inspire us on a global level because it doesn't take an athlete to recognize a superhuman expression of human potential.

I aspire to level of esteem an Olympian yogi could possess for their practice.

This link has some cool competitive yoga info and fantastic photos.
http://www.vox.com/2014/5/31/5717888/competitive-yoga-in-the-us

The Lonliest Girl in the World

Banksy, Girl with a Balloon

We aren't always the best fit for the roles we are assigned, nor are others for the ones we assign them. So how can we hope to avoid heartbreak and disappointment? An argument for detachment is that disappointment comes from our attachments to the behaviors of others, not the behaviors themselves.

When I first dabbled in Buddhism, I rejected its application to the concept of love. I didn't disagree, I didn't misunderstand, I rejected it. I was happily attached at the time. I have been disappointed since then. I have violated. For every unexpectedly wonderful interaction, I have lost someone I never expected to go without. I loved everyone of them. I still do.

I see now that the philosophies are not aimed to separate us from our loved ones- ideas don't have that power- but I do think they guide us towards the practice of considering our lives outside of the context of human relationships.

Anchoring our self-esteem to the behaviors associated with someone else's life will never be as reliable a method for success as being responsible with our focus in the moment and trusting in God to take care of the rest.

Being responsible in lonely times requires an understanding of that emotion as arising from wanting to be closer to someone than I am. I hope I remember that time spent in prayer for others is more applicable to the spiritual life God intends for me than that of frustration or despair.

The following article wraps up with a guided practice of metta(loving-kindness) mediation. If loneliness and its application to yoga interest you, its worth checking out.

http://www.yogajournal.com/wisdom/1922


     

"Your body is a Temple of the Holy Spirit."

I completed training and am now certified to teach yoga. I go for more training in the fall and am documenting my preparation. If yoga or my life interests you check back, I'll be posting articles and media that stood out.

I'll begin here.



I was taught this verse to curb my enthusiasm for extramarital sex and tattoos. Today I have both, but He is with me.

The first priority of spiritual people is the exploration of God, and it's tempting to ignore the health of our bodies along the way. Our culture further distracts with depictions of the early twenties as a time best spent exposing ourselves to as many others as possible while alternating between manic productivity and consumptive binge-drinking.

With all of the confusing messages and demands of early adult living, wouldn't it be great if God had given us a... I don't know... nearby place where we could expect Him to be?

Yoga forces the practitioner to take time everyday to take account of the body. I have a chance to notice if I feel tired, tight, or amazingly focused and then contemplate what parts of my day off the mat might be responsible. It starts with small levels of awareness,

"This is weird."
"It feels great to stretch my legs after work."
"I wish I hadn't had that pesto burger."

but then expands,

"My negative interaction with that person earlier is competing with my ability to focus."
"Good posture makes my body easier to control."
"Thinking about the floor doesn't help me resist gravity."

And occasionally you reach a place where internal dialog ceases and you are alone in a the Temple of the Holy Spirit.

TRY IT.
http://www.menshealth.com/yoga/get-started-guide/