A Letter to Last Year's New You

Hi,

You don't know me very well, and if I'm being honest, I have little recollection of what you were up to this time last year, probably sifting through plans last minute and quadruple-guessing your wardrobe choices for tonight. New Year's Eve remains a powerful motivator every year despite its lack of impact, so nothing significant comes to mind. I know you don't put much stake in New Year's Resolutions, and that's probably wise. The resolutions that stick are determined and honored daily, anyway.

This year will be exactly the same as every year before, in that most of it will be a struggle. Many of your hopes and almost all expectations for 2014 will not be met. The value you assign, and the story you tell about the cards that fall will be what defines you today.

In 2013 you were met with an increase of healthful messages. Some of these appealed to you, and some you took further than others. For every change made, for every drop of sweat and self-esteem earned, an old comfort lost as much in appeal. Thank you for every small victory and display of care for a stranger like me.

In 2013 you were met with some of the most interesting people yet. Connections with some of these appealed to you, and some you took further than others. For every dramatic entrance a new character made in your story, one was displaced. Thank you for your openness. Thank you most of all, for sitting through some loneliness and heartbreak. Thank you for the times you chose love over violence towards strangers like me.

In 2013 you were met with opportunities for creativity and spiritual growth. Some outlets appealed to you, and some took you further than others. For every new venture, a past certainty faded to a shade of gray; a boundary dissolved to reveal the responsibilities that came with the new skills you craved. Thank you for your dedication. Thank you for the times you pressed forward for strange reasons.

My wish for 2014, and every new year to come, is that you change while somehow, strangely, remaining the same hopeful and significant person.

Love,
Me

P.S. You look fine!!!!!

"Know that wisdom is such to your soul; if you find it; there will be a future, and your hope will not be cut off." Proverbs 24:14

Five Reasons a Blog is Better than a Journal

My friends cringed when I first mentioned this blog. At the time we shared the opinion that my thoughts should be more taboo than drunken pictures of myself as a minor,"The internet is not a journal." I denied that I was journaling. I denied that I posted for myself.

This "totally-NOT-journaling-blog" was a thing for me before yoga. This blog was thing before I was a thing- when I laid in bed all day feeling sick and sorry. The practices that continue to make me healthier are just as rooted here as in asana and teaching.

Everyone knows writing has a lot to offer those looking to develop mindfulness, but what better way to develop self-acceptance than an exercise expressing yourself publically? A Blog is Better Than a Journal, not worse, because others can read it.


1. You must organize and accept your thoughts regularly.

Most blogs fail to get off the ground, not for lack of interesting material, but because their writers quit writing. A consistent posting schedule is a big deal. With this in mind, I have more stuff down this year online and on paper.

Overthinking or oversharing personal narratives can be just as irresponsible as neglecting self-reflection. Blogging is the time set aside for this sort of thing. I leave the ramblings to whoever is interested or curious, and that's where they stay.

With infinite viewers in mind, there is a level of personal censorship that is missing from a traditional journal. If proof reading your post reveals something you are not comfortable sharing, you have work to do. What reactions are you assigning others? It's important to take that stuff up with yourself sooner rather than later. It's usually less about revision than acceptance. Revision is easier.  

2. No editors or talking points. 

Entry to Anne Frank's Secret Annex

Professional writing was frustrating. Direction and advice was appreciated most of the time, but it was difficult to share expressive identity with others. Bloggers can say whatever they want, however they want. This is both the glory and pitfall of blogging.

As a result, you WILL say something very ignorant, or worse--- boring and obvious. You will throw something completely raw out for the world to see, and an acquaintance will thank you; sometimes you can't even get Mom to like it on Facebook.

You get better, and you come to appreciate the power of correct grammar. If you expect readers to care enough about you to read between the lines, the least you can do is make those lines legible.

3. Farewell fear of judgment.

You learn very quickly how irrelevant criticism of your feelings(mostly imaginary) is to your life. Most of my blogs are some sort of intellectual exploration of what I consider God to be teaching me. "What do I know?" This phrase tries to escape in every post. I want nothing more than to smooth potential disagreements or just crappy writing over with apologies or phrases like, "This is only a personal belief..." but what good would that do? If you want to write--- If you feel that you have an idea worth sharing and preserving--- Do it, or don't. But if you do, Be Bold, Be Fearless. You have to believe that your readers need you more than erectile dysfunction medication.

4. Accountability.

The week following a post never fails to test everything I shared. With thousands of views this year, I have the slightest clue who is paying attention. Life's a work in progress, but blogging will unite your life with your words quicker than any therapy journal. Curiosity is impossible to underestimate, and so is the power of words. The unpredictable exposure and vulnerability to other's opinions challenges the writer more than the reader.  

5. Our lives do not belong to us.

This is something every writer must believe. Our thoughts, feelings, and circumstances are less permanent than the letters we use to express them. If we didn't find that characteristic valuable, we would not bother.

The most common criticism of blogs is a sort of self-centered or even self-righteous slant, and before picking up my own hobby, I felt the same way. "Who cares?" But that's just it. Clicks are currency. Interest groups and advertisers openly buy, sell, and steal our information and use it to create the world that gets our attention. We continually complain about the emptiness and dishonesty of social media, then fail to develop unpopular insights or share them with other real-time everyday people that might promote them. In favor of what? MOSTLY PORN, cat photos, people falling down, and hateful information about famous strangers we know is made up.


Maybe you aren't the cutest, clearest, or most convenient to access, and maybe your truth isn't always optimistic or entertaining, but if you have ever considered consistently sharing your perspective on the internet, you should. Don't let your fear of other's opinions stop you. If we continue to tell those with power that we prefer to use the most powerful unifying entity ever as a mindless distraction or torture device, then I guarantee they will take us up on it.

"Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who does not need to be ashamed, and who correctly handles the word of truth."

2 Timothy 2:15

 

If You Need to be Reminded of the Following, Look Into Yoga Teacher Training.

The last year has been spent in yoga teacher training. Life has been chaos since graduation. More than a month removed, things starting to fall into place, looking forward to Summit's Teacher Training Program which is set for March 1, the theme is patience and preparation... again. I had no idea what to write about, until a teacher of my own shared a post about the strange things that WILL happen to trainees. It got me to thinking- trying to pin down a perspective when it came to what really changed taking my practice to the next level. I came to the conclusion that I did not become a different or even better person, but a clearer, more refined version of myself. There were things that I had chosen to forget about life when I lost faith in my own identity, burying my truths under layers of perceptions of other's opinions. If you need to be reminded of the following, please... look into training.

1. You're beautiful. YOU. ARE.

Conjuring the beauty of people has never been the challenge for me. When drawing portraits, subject's preoccupations with surplus wrinkles or lack of hair, something I consider ridiculous, is a very real obstacle. Maybe health care spoiled much of the allure of superficial beauty when it came to others, but I could not escape my own criticism- the depth and burden of such criticism I was not even conscious of. Everyday I was met with a new face in the mirror, more often than not, disappointing. Despite extensive reading of self-esteem, I only aspired to accept my physical appearance. When I couldn't, I beat myself up about falling short of that goal too.

Then I spent five weeks in honest clothing without make-up or energy to give a ****. The same sweaty, bare, broken-out reflection greeted me again and again. Finally, I not only recognized it, but grew fond of that silly crooked grin of grandma Bonnie who passed away when I was eleven, and that "Whoville" nose that the entire Parrish clan sports. My dark circles are seen more objectively as a sign of dehydration and food allergies, the first traces of fine lines as the same signs of age and character so admired in patients.

We are not supermodels, well... maybe you are, but I'm not. I'm a poor yoga teacher who aspires to be inspired and refined by as many people as possible before I die. This flat chest, upturned nose, and farm-girl grin will do just fine. What is it you do? How relevant are your insecurities in comparison?

2. You're going to do it, or you aren't.

Sometimes I killed practicum, sometimes I fell flat on my face. Sometimes I was too exhausted to prepare for the physical, academic, or emotional challenges of the next day, but I showed up, and I kept showing up. Obsession with performance became just that- obsession. Redundant, obnoxious self-centered, more-than-useless thought patterns that did not do anything but add stress to those who cared enough to listen to the ranting and keep me up at night. In our culture, the most resisted life-event is death, and if we are really honest with ourselves, that state is nothing compared to a night of insomnia.

3. You always have the ability to be genuine and kind.

Adult success hinges on time management. If you are setting time aside for drama, if you set aside time to back-peddle when someone reacts irrationally to your expression of truth, if you are so concerned with someone's point of view that you are willing to sacrifice your state of mind, then you are not placing your goal as high on your priority list as you may have thought.

Guess what? You will die. Time and youthful energy is limited. Before the end you will get so old you can not stand, if you are lucky; you will probably be very sick or seriously injured. We eventually loose everything. This is scary, but it is one of the few things we all agree upon. So what is your excuse for continuing to suffer or inflict pain on someone that shares the same constraints?

4. You have strengths and weaknesses you aren't aware of.

What makes Asana so powerful is its ability to take us out of our comfort zones. The first time someone practices yoga, they see themselves in unusual positions. Some are easy, some are difficult, some are so foreign anyone would be tempted to wonder "...is this right?" It pleases me that this is the question I get most often from first timer's, because it's the perfect opportunity to reply with confidence that it doesn't really matter.

I came to training to find something out, and once my energy level could not support my competitive side, I found my breath. I also found tight hamstrings, lazy arches, and a weak core. I can teach with tight hamstrings and weak arches. I teach peace of mind after the struggle to turn on the microphone sends my heart racing into my throat. Humans do cool things without connecting all of the dots first, we always have.


The majority of us look forward to the next year to change us, as if 2015 and all of the years before would have magical inspirational properties. The majority of us look to the world for the same magic that will whip us into shape because we are not reminded often enough that we are already an offshoot of something incredibly mysterious and powerful.

If your New Year's Resolutions is based solely on something you do no like about yourself, then I challenge you to chase down that train of thought first. When was the last time your really tried something that took you so far out of your comfort zone, every previous way of dealing with the world lost its relevance and you HAD NO CHOICE but to trust God?

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Romans 12:2