Five Symptoms of Early Adulthood

We experienced fist steps, first friends, first cars, and first loves in the first quarter of our life span. The milestones of early adulthood are less quantifiable, but that doesn't rob them of their power to keep life interesting. If you are experiencing any of the following, you may be in danger of becoming a productive member of society.
 
1. We don't want to, but we do. It's the worst day of my life. I'm sick, tired, ugly, not to mention annoyed with everyone I work with, and as far as I can tell the feeling is mutual. I'm pushing myself to keep up with a rush. Naturally, a customer chooses THIS moment to ask me for a to-go water... as IF they did not just leave an entire glass at their table, and as IF the place they are going lacks indoor plumbing. Pity-party and assembly-line interrupted, I throw together said water with a smile. The shift continues in this fashion until I forget to be miserable, grab some caffeine, or remember I haven't eaten.

Moral of the story: The world is less inclined to dramatic shifts than our body chemistry. Part of being an adult is being dependable and this means CHECKING OURSELVES. We are learning the importance of prioritizing self-care and the virtues of delayed gratification.

2. We want to, but don't. Money is pretty tight at the moment. I invested quite a bit on training and am beginning to see it pay off. Growing up I would often frustrate my stepmom because I could never think of anything I wanted for Christmas; now I have a wish list in dangerous proximity to plastic imaginary money. I enjoy what I do, and there are very talented people designing products that make my job better... very talented people who want my money.
   
For most of us, it is about time to re-up. We identify more and more with established adults and can not ignore the impact of the finer things. Experimenting with our comfort levels(financial or not) is necessary for gain, but manic vision is seductive and very persistent. Most of us still have the energy and freedom to gain experience, and we finally possess enough wisdom to recognize limiting factors. We can use this combination to our advantage.

3. We see ourselves reflected in others. My brother just started high school. I recognized the excitement with a splash of anxiety when he asked for my advice on a class presentation about a sentimental item. He and my mom bought some new clothes for school, and he was particularly proud of his shoes and a pair of really strange pants.
    
"I LOVE THESE PANTS!!!, but I don't know about the first week, ya know?"

We have collected some notches in our belt. We stumble upon reflections of our lives when we are not the subject of conversation. It happens more in general, but mostly in our dealings with younger people who aren't even related to us as they climb clumsily (albeit enthusiastically) out of  nowhere and into our work places.    

4. We speak the truth.
My brother and I searched his room for an item that would satisfy the assignment.

"How about Lizzy?" He has the coolest gecko ever.

"Naahhh... I tried that once. It's a huge distraction." I tried that once. It was a huge distraction.

"How about the first hockey stick I ever broke? That's sentimental?"

"Yes." Somewhat relieved, "That is sentimental, and it's sports. Plus it's broken- makes it more interesting and linked to a specific moment." Society approved mode of male emotional expression. Tell the story and sit down.

After closer examination I told him I liked his pants because they would be good for rock climbing. My mother had caught our conversation from the kitchen,

"I like them too, but don't you think... that you can wait for your second week for yourrrr DEBUE!!?"

I agreed laughing, "Yeah Joe, SOMEONE is going to tease you, so if you're not comfortable yet, wait, or wear them to skate." I'm all for marching to beat of your own drummer, but... you'd have to see the pants.

When we recognize our younger selves, the lessons we learned come to mind. We want to spare loved ones the same traumas, of course, but at times it seems our responsibility to share with strangers. We don't pause to think or philosophize, the words escape and with a tone of... was that authority??

5. We listen. I used to listen as if I were shopping online. I would even eagerly ask for advice, only to discard the pieces that weren't convenient to my master plans. If an authority presented themselves unsolicited, I would respond with the cold politeness due a telemarketer.

By our twenties we are coming to grips with our limitations and strengths. We have working memory of experiences when faced with challenges, and we use this inside info to align our future goals with our current resources. We put our wisdom to use when those we care about face problems with less concern for their expectations than before, and we find ourselves less inclined to take the hard learned truths of others lightly. Instead, we take them in context.

By putting our own lives in context, we, as young adults, have the ability to construct a more realistic identity. We may not be as epic as our childhood fantasies before us, but we arrive at an image that we can use, we set goals that we will actually reach, and we require less affirmation from others in order to be satisfied with our lives.

Have a spectacular day!

 

"A person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms against himself."-Alexander Dumas

"Whoever tries to keep their life will lose it."

Whoever tries to keep their life will lose it,

and whoever loses their life will preserve it.

Luke 17:33

 

 

 

Robin William's death struck a chord with me like so many of you. I found this verse while searching for some inspiration for a post on suicide. I could ramble on for days about my own struggle with depression, but after what is happening in my home state, that is exactly what it feels like- empty self-indulgent rambling.

 

Pride is the American way. I've had about all I can take of pride. I'm finally coming to grips with how I see the problem after struggling to articulate what really happened in Ferguson to a friend of mine who isn't from the United States. The paradoxes- the police are supposed to protect us, as one of us, in the face of the trauma our officers are exposed to everyday. The African American community's plight is such a sensitive issue that the failure of its young people is taboo. Meanwhile we sidestep the glorification of drugs and violence in mainstream culture because ignoring it is entertaining and profitable for those of us who have the luxury of compartmentalization.

 

I've had about all I can take of pride. We allow our minds to fade to the point where punctuation and spelling are no longer as important as camera filters, and the health of our bodies consistently takes second chair to "winding-down" by using whichever poisonous and remarkably expensive vice is most convenient. We sit staring at television and computer screens for years of our lives while gravity contorts our bodies into uselessness. Meanwhile the morale and obesity boosting snacks and coffees required to maintain our stressful yet somehow meaningless lives threaten the health of every organ system in our bodies.

 

I've had about all I can take of pride. We allow our hearts to believe that a relationship that isn't composed of two of the most equally-yoked, photogenic, successful, and witty people is somehow symptomatic of chronic psychological disorder for which therapy is needed. We are eagerly exploited by dating apps, drug companies, and pornographers in hopes of maximizing our sexual potential. Meanwhile we repel genuine opportunities to nurture others because human contact and the real people we need don't bare a close enough resemblance to our fantasies about ourselves.    

 

I've had about all I can take of pride. We take bullying, depression, and suicide- issues that have existed for the entirety of human existence- and elevate them to the forefront of internet consciousness, so that we can hypocritically comment or have the delightful opportunity to "click here" and learn more about a mind-altering medication with these horrific effects we ARE aware of, or a legal add where we can sue for effects we weren't. Meanwhile we constantly ignore our own responsibilities of self-control, compassion, and gratitude in favor of victimization.   

 

I do not deny suppression or hate and their power to elicit aggressive responses. I am a white woman, and if that sounds like a particularly free and glamorous lot in life, then you are not a white woman or you are likely not misunderstood. We will never know exactly what lead to the death of Micheal Brown on August 9, but it sounds like one guy killed another guy and pride usually has something to do with that sort of thing. Pride was involved in the lies, following theft and destruction, and even my own difficulty putting this away.

 

When I first encountered Luke 17:33, I was a child and a fundamentalist. Riddles and paradoxes weren't particularly interesting to me. The older I get, the more acceptable not knowing becomes and the less threatening a never ending journey seems. There will always be games to be played and the experience of confusion has the potential to transform the way we see our lives. If pride does not allow this situation to be thought provoking, pardon me for the distraction.  

 

 

 

"You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it."

-Robin Williams

You Win Some, You Lose Some

Niyama(Personal Observances) and Kahneman's Thinking Fast and Slow continue to inspire me. Yoga's Second Limb encourages us to see purity, contentment, discipline, self-study, and celebration of the spiritual in our daily lives. The book requires its readers to examine gambles revealing emotionally induced fallacies in decision making.

It was preached to me as a small child that luck didn't exist. Chaos and random events were superstitious and by definition a threat to God's order. Until that point, luck was just an easy way to refer to all the stuff that didn't make since. Confused, I accepted this as another truth I would understand when I was older.

Life is more random than we can accept. Our fallacy stems from lack of contentment: the ego-inflated idea that we deserve something somehow better than the chaotic world God has created- risk, responsibilities and all. Every decision is a gamble, and our insignificance can allow us the luxury of broad framing and ability to see mistakes as somehow appropriate.

When we make short-sighted decisions, we fail to consider the wealth that life naturally afford us- opportunity. Ignoring a chance to succeed for fear of failure is a manifestation of an unhealthy view that God is not generous and that higher thinking is foolish.

If we are to contemplate outcomes at all, it is largely unproductive to do so on a decision-by-decision basis. It is certainly more natural, but only because it is easier to integrate fewer pieces of fresh information. The healthiest view of ourselves requires us to know everything or have an extraordinary amount of compassion for ourselves and others. The former will never happen, and punishing ourselves for this fact is a complete waste of the energy we could be using to develop said compassion. 

It takes tremendous creativity, but also discipline and faith to orient ourselves to the big picture. There will be losses, and there will certainly be wins, and the sooner we accept our limitations, the more loveable we are. A human, framed narrowly, is limited by size, age, location, health, and resources. God isn't, and the second luck and risk fail to exist is the second He has forsaken us.